There is no way around it – when we look back to our school days, the teachers that stood out to us positively had similar traits. They were kind, and accommodating, saw their students as individuals, were approachable and reasonable, and made you feel like you mattered. But, at the same time, they were easy to respect, had control over the classroom environment – so it didn’t descend into chaos – and had high expectations. They saw your potential and expected you to live up to it. Today, this approach is known as ‘the warm demander.’

Then there were the teachers who had no interest in getting to know us, expected nothing but the best without considering factors contributing to our challenges and seemed cold and uncaring at the best of times. So, it makes sense why the former are the ones who earned a tender spot in our childhood memories.

Even the fun teachers who took time and effort to know us and make us feel seen weren’t necessarily the most memorable for the right reasons. Their classes may have been a blast, but they had no concern for managing student behavior, didn’t look for opportunities to challenge and encourage academics and were easily manipulated. It may have seemed great at the time, but their approach was certainly not in your best interest.

Table of Contents

What Is a Warm Demander?

A warm demander is a teacher who develops a genuine bond with their students. The relationship is built on trust, positive, open body language, and connection. The teacher takes time to get to know the students and often asks questions like, “Hey, Johnny. I hope your cat is doing better since she was at the vet?” The teacher takes an interest in things that interest their students and is happy to talk about these interests. And because of the relationship the teacher builds with their students, they are respected and can have high expectations of them. When it comes from an encouraging place, where the student genuinely feels that their teachers believe in them, they are more likely to aim high.

Who coined the phrase Warm Demander?

The phrase “warm demander” was first coined by Judith Kleinfeld in 1975.  She described it as an equity approach, built on the belief that you will be far more successful when showing your students that they matter to you and that you refuse to give up on them

Why is it important, and why use it?

A warm demander’s superpower is born out of mutual respect. Through the teacher’s tone, interactions and body language, the student understands that they are in a safe place, but they also have a part to play. Their effort and commitment to their schooling are not negotiable because the teacher has no doubts about the student’s potential and ability to succeed. The teacher/student relationship is built on trust. The teacher listens to the students, affirms them and takes in their perspective, but pushes and encourages them not to accept any less than they are capable of.            

Students who have a positive, trusting relationship with their teachers are more likely to leave their comfort zones socially and academically. They are not afraid of failure or letting their teacher down because they know she will have their back. They are also more confident in engaging socially as they are more confident and know that they have support when things get tricky.

How to become a warm demander

Maya Angelou famously said, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you make them feel.”

These words are at the heart of a warm demander’s approach. The teacher establishes a relationship with the student that is genuinely caring, and the student believes wholeheartedly that their teacher has faith in their abilities. But words and actions are not enough. It’s a combination of the two but also needs to be authentic. So it’s how you say and do things, how actively you listen, whether or not you pay attention to the little things, if you ask them what’s troubling them before they even say anything is wrong and have their best interests at heart.

When there is security, the teacher can be firm, have rules and boundaries in place, and hold high expectations, and the students will comply out of mutual respect. The following are essential elements in the warm demander approach.

Develop Trust

A warm demander relies on their relationship with their students as the catalyst for learning. The only way to succeed is if the connection is built on trust. And it takes time to build trust – although it can be damaged in an instant.

The relationship is the “resource that leaders accrue when they take time to listen to and convey authentic care and curiosity toward others. … If relationships function as currency in schools, relational capital is like a big savings account of trust and goodwill” (Safir, 2017, p. 107).

Self-control

When mutual respect and trust are in place, it encourages self-discipline and self-control among the students. Respect means that there are high standards, and everyone is expected to play their part. For example, a warm demander can expect their students to meet deadlines and behave appropriately not because she expects compliance and the students fear retribution, but because they respect the high standards that have been put in place.

Accepting Failure

A warm demander teaches their students that mistakes and failures are a part of the path to success. They are opportunities to evaluate where you went wrong and try a new approach. A warm demander also openly admits and embraces their own mistakes. They are open to taking responsibility, apologizing and modelling appropriate behavior.

Warm Demander Strategies

Create Relationships on Purpose

A warm demander focuses on building rapport with their students, getting to know them very well, and building trust. And it is not done through surveys and interviews. It’s done through conversations, warm interactions, and body language

Students’ cultures

Understanding the intricacies and quirks that make up each student is essential. This not only extends to their learning style and what their driving force is academically but also on a personal level.

Every child comes from a home with its own values, beliefs, customs, and viewpoints. And while it doesn’t mean that each student can behave whichever way they choose and defend it based on these things, if the teacher has a deep understanding of them, it opens up communication channels to at least discuss, show empathy and understanding. Of course, the same can be said for the teacher’s values, beliefs, customs, and viewpoints.

Understanding each other’s value systems and culture also leaves little room for misunderstandings and punishments that can be avoided and allows opportunities to learn from each other.

Share Your Success Expectations

Create a classroom culture that encourages and expects everyone’s best effort. A warm demander’s rhetoric should always include persistence, learning from failure and getting the best possible outcome from every situation. While failure and mistakes are inevitable, acceptable, and accommodated, it is no reason to lower your standards and lose focus of the bigger picture.

Believe in the impossible

“It always seems impossible until it is done” – Nelson Mandela. 

A warm demander constantly reminds their students that they have unlimited potential that needs the opportunity to be released. But to do this, they must believe it themselves. The teacher should always see each student’s maximum potential and not only focus on what they see in practice each day.

The student can only believe what they are capable of if the teacher believes it too. If students maximize all opportunities and focus on big dreams, nothing is in their way.

Offer educational support

A warm demander should offer students every opportunity to succeed. This means they tap into each student’s needs and support them in a valuable way by explaining material thoroughly in different ways to ensure each student understands.

 In addition, the teacher should extend and enrich those who need more stimulation and offer support and different approaches to those struggling.

Encourage good behavior

Warm demanders encourage good behavior through positive reinforcement. Acknowledge and compliment good behavior just as much as you would react to poor behavior – if not more. Students generally thrive on praise and will behave in a way that ensures they receive more.

 However, the teacher must still have a no-nonsense approach and ensure boundaries, structure, and a disciplined environment. For example,when the teacher communicates assertively, reminds the students of the high standards they expect and deliver consequences fairly and calmly, students will have respect for this and take it seriously.

Expectations should be made clear and consistent

Students need consistency and routine to feel safe. This way, they can anticipate any consequences and will be willing to accept them. They will also never feel unfairly treated, as the same will apply to all students.

The students must also fully understand what is expected, so they are fully equipped to deliver and avoid consequences. It also ensures that the students understand that although their teacher is warm, funny, and extremely caring and understanding, they are to be taken seriously, and their expectations must be respected.

Warm Demander Ideas

Tone of voice

Your tone matters so much more than the words you speak. It should be calm, warm, and open without any sarcasm or irony. Just as adults don’t respond well to being spoken to in an aggressive or sarcastic tone, students will close themselves off when this happens.

Listen and understand the students

Always allow the student to have their say and be heard. That does not mean they can be rude or disrespectful when they do so, but if they feel that they have a voice and that their perspective is valuable, it’s unlikely that this will be the case. Even if the teacher can counter it and reason with the student, pointing out that their perspective is unreasonable or their reasoning is irrational, the fact that they were listened to will go a long way.

Appreciates the uniqueness of individual students

If you see each student as an individual with unique talents with a complex history and background, they will feel safe and seen. If you know their quirks, anxieties, and interests, you can reach them on a level that is off limits to any teacher who uses a different approach.

Respect the student

Remember that if you want to have your student’s respect, you need to show them respect. Many of us come from a time when one was expected to respect our elders without question. How we were treated in return was irrelevant. The current generation of students sees the world differently, and have a valid point. Respect is a two-way street.

Demonstrate positive attitude

A positive attitude is contagious and motivates others to be positive. So, if you approach everything with a ‘don’t sweat it, you’ve got this’ attitude, it will catch on and spread. See the positive in every situation. A poor grade can be seen as an opportunity for improvement. A social tiff can open channels of communication and strengthen a bond. Most clouds have a silver lining.

Sense of humor

Laugh, and the world laughs with you; it is the best medicine. Students love to laugh and enjoy humor with their teachers. It creates a bond, breaks the tension, and lets them feel safe knowing they can relax around you.

Show interests

Take time to listen to your students’ stories, experiences, and opinions. Reference these things whenever possible to remind your students that you are genuinely interested in the things that matter to them. When they are seen as an individual with their interests and ideas, they know that they are also not just a name on the roll call, and their academic efforts go unnoticed.

Making decisions

Being decisive shows assertiveness, confidence, and competence. It is not only a great example to your students but also instils trust and respect.

Evaluates student work and behavior for improvements

When you see progress, say so. Acknowledge even minor improvements so that your student knows that you are paying attention and that their success matters to them.

Warm Demander Resources

Warm Demander Chart

Angela Watson shares her insights in her podcast series, “ Truth for Teachers”, in the episode titled, “The Warm Demander: How to raise expectations (and have students rise to meet them).”

Warm Demander Podcast

Matt Alexander looks at warm demander roles in pop culture. He describes how teachers can look to these characters to inspire them when they need guidance channelling their inner warm demander.

Warm Demander Slide Deck

Kristine Napper looks at how having high expectations and demanding high standards improves equity in education – provided it is done while conveying compassion.

Warm Demander FAQ

What is the first step in becoming a warm demander?

The very first step in becoming a warm demander is to establish a relationship of trust and mutual respect with your students. This is the foundation for everything that the approach is based on.

Does the warm demander approach only apply to the classroom?

Being a warm demander is an approach that is beneficial to anyone in a leadership position. It can be the teacher, relating to their student, the principal dealing with their staff, or a corporate executive dealing with their team.

What are the alternatives to the warm demander approach?

Judith Kleinfeld coined the term warm demanders (Teachers with high expectations and high relationships) in 1975. It was one of four categories that she identified. The other categories are:

Sophisticates – Teachers with low expectations and low relationships.
Traditionalist – Teachers with high expectations and low relationships.
Sentimentalist – Teachers with low expectations and high relationships.

So, are you a warm demander?

The teacher/student relationship has evolved significantly over the years. There is a lot to be said about building and maintaining relationships with your students. It makes it far more rewarding and the students get more enjoyment from their schooling. Many of us recognize ourselves in a lot of what has been outlined here. If anything, some of us may lean a bit towards being a sentimentalist, which is half the battle won but won’t get the same results. Both approaches put the relationship first, but the boundaries that come with being a warm demander are far more beneficial to both student and teacher. If you see yourself in at least some of what has been described in this article, you are already on the right path.